In response to the widely publicized videos displaying an altercation between a young adult couple, I have delayed the release of my planned blog to address domestic violence.  The elevator scene was noteworthy as another representation of the degree to which violence has become an acceptable response to conflict in American culture.  In my opinion, the behavior is an extension of what has been increasingly demonstrated on television, in our method of communicating, song lyrics, movies and popular video games. Practicing restraint no longer appears to be virtuous while physical aggression is being glorified.  Because domestic violence is commonly inflicted on those who are weaker or defenseless, it is no wonder that 1 in 4 women have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner as reported by the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey in 2011.

While domestic violence awareness has been acutely heightened, I implore all who are passing judgment on the family involved to proceed with caution lest your attention becomes stalled on the events surrounding that fateful night. Instead, consider galvanizing your concern for victims of abuse and participate in efforts for prevention. At a minimum, refuse to perpetuate derogatory methods of referring to women, like the all too common use of the disrespectful term beginning with the letter B'. Christians know that all things work for good for those who love God and we are indeed being called to assure good comes from the renewed focus on this issue.

Ladies, I also encourage you to proceed with caution as you choose and accept the attention of a potential mate. If the only prerequisite for your affection is based on a man's appearance, affluence or influence, you allow your future to be dependent on the limited capacity of a man as opposed to the immeasurable graciousness of God. In order to receive all that He has planned for you, be patient and become confident that your suitor has a true relationship with the Lord. Men of God do not have to be policed because they respect the Lord.  A man's desire to serve and glorify Him prevents destructive behaviors to anyone.

Assuredly, intimate partner violence is not gender specific and I have advised women to refrain from striking men because they may not all choose to turn the other cheek. So, to those who decide to hit, proceed cautiously for violence indeed, begets violence; everyone should aspire to not touch any living being in anger. If your relationship with anyone has evolved into one characterized by harsh words, raised voices and/or physical altercations, love is no longer the foundation and the consequences of these behaviors are potentially grave. Counseling from a trusted, unbiased source is strongly encouraged to help you determine if the relationship is salvageable or if it is time to let it go.

On a final note, over 100 years ago courageous Americans unified to demand women's right to vote and it culminated in the passage of the 19^th amendment in 1920. Unfortunately, our unification is long overdue for holding our lawmakers and judicial system accountable for the establishment and enforcement of laws that would prevent the continued mistreatment of women. I advise all eligible voters to therefore proceed with caution when voting during the November midterm elections and remember domestic violence has no partisanship.  Require that those who are soliciting your vote add domestic violence law revision to their platforms.  Then, make it impossible for lawmakers to put this issue on the back burner once elected. Our laws are needlessly weak and because of the tendency for victims of domestic violence to retract their statement, habitual offenders continue undeterred.

Victims commonly fail to cooperate with prosecution out of fear of retaliation, embarrassment or loss of livelihood. As a society, we must reserve judgment on the subsequent actions of victims and instead focus on enhanced domestic violence prevention. We must demand laws that have gradations for punishment that are proportionate to the severity of the violent act regardless of the number of prior offenses. We must assume for the above listed reasons that most priors go unreported.  Almost one third of women in the United States have been slapped, punched or shoved by an intimate partner according to the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. For the safety of all women, we have to keep domestic violence awareness and prevention efforts alive. Its ugliness prevails in the diverse cultures of this nation and we must unify to support those who have been harmed and remove this injustice from our land. To end violence against women, it is not our stature, but our voice that counts.

"I'm stressed out" is by far the most common statement I hear during an office visit. It is the reason why women feel they are not able to eat right, stop smoking, exercise, sleep, focus, relax; the list is limitless. When asked what is causing stress the usual responses are job/co-workers, family, husband/partner, and money. Sadly, though many feel the weight of stress, most don't feel they have the power to reduce or resist it. For instance, people typically recover from short term stress, so pressure associated with a job interview or an exam usually resolves pretty quickly. But with long term stress, the recovery is perceived as more difficult, if not impossible, which can cause anxiety and reduce a person's sense of security.

Anxiety can retard an individual's capacity in their routine activities, relationships, and other roles. And when a performance deficit is recognized and/or pointed out, for some, the anxiety level is magnified; sleep is disrupted and eating habits are altered. If stress and anxiety are not addressed and re-oriented, the sense of security and balance can be lost. Counseling and medication have been shown to reduce these debilitating responses but unfortunately, most people only receive the medication. Learning to alter ones response to chronically stressful events is crucial to anxiety reduction. It has been well documented that middle aged women are most frequently diagnosed with anxiety disorder. From what I have witnessed, I believe this may be related to the piling on of stressors over a lifetime without resolution. So, in the words of Erykah Badu, I encourage everyone to "pack light"!

Odd as this may sound, I feel relieved when my patients shed tears. To me it's like a valve opened and some pressure was released. Though many apologize for crying, I am grateful that they are openly admitting something is wrong instead of continuing the façade of "I'm okay". Sure, in today's culture self-sufficiency is expected, but seeking and accepting help and encouragement from others is simply human and not a sign of weakness or inadequacy.

Help can come in many forms though it may not necessarily be a solution. For example, if work and child rearing responsibilities don't give you room for relaxation, ask a trusted neighbor, family or church member to watch your kids periodically and return the favor. Or, if assuming care for aging parents is encompassing all of your free time, don't let your sense of duty lead you to resist assistance offered by others to reduce your load. Depending on the circumstances, some may feel the need for medication and therapy. Because we will always face new challenges, one of our goals should be to acquire and maintain healthy coping skills to minimize stress.

To that end, in my role as helper, I attempt to introduce women to a range of different perspectives. Being open to a new perspective can be the difference between 1) seeing the loss of a job versus new opportunities, 2) receiving yet another work assignment versus broadening one's skills or 3) focusing on an unwanted diagnosis versus pursuing lifesaving therapy. The outcome of many scenarios is rooted in how we view things. No matter what circumstances lead to how we see the world, the beauty is we can always change our perspectives. Our responses are merely learned behaviors which many of us develop over time. For instance, how many people do you know that come unglued when they see spiders, bees, etc.? (I didn't have any rational behaviors during cicada swarms in 2011.) Part of keeping things in perspective may include developing a new one. Many of us may achieve a healthier outlook through the guidance of a counselor, pastor or trusted confident.

I, too, have encountered stressful situations in my life and career. For a good while I didn't handle it well and only focused on who or what was unfair by expressing frustration and anger; incredibly useless tools for implementing change. Complaining became my "go to" response and colored my perception of most encounters. Needless to say, I felt powerless, afraid and ignored, forgetting the limitless resources our Creator provides. Thankfully, in the midst of it all, I heard God calling me. He reminded me of His unfailing love and desire to keep us near Him throughout our lives not just when things are tough. Also, that no force of this world compares to His power and He chooses to provide good things for all of His children; even the loud, whining ones like me! My journey forward with God has indeed been enlightening and rich. Now that my heart is open and I have learned to trust Him, discomfort and stress as a way of life have been eliminated. My perspective is becoming more God centered and less about me. It has allowed me to achieve clarity of my purpose and potential. This transformation has kept me hopeful and secure knowing all things are possible through Him. Yes, I am human and have moments of anxiety and frustration but my "go to" response now is to the Lord. Maintaining peace in the Lord has become my greatest desire and my prayer for peace has been answered.

Knowing that a peaceful spirit can be achieved through God is a gift that I must share. Being aware of recent events in the lives of the famous and infamous, receiving His mercy and peace is timely. I offer no special formula or method, for I know it was passively received. His relationship with all of us is as unique as we are. Our required actions however, are repentance and submission to Him with a genuinely open heart. Our reward will be beneficial to mind, body and spirit: we will be given rest for His burden is light.